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BLEEDfor_youux3_BFF
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Name: haley
Location: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States
Gender: Female
Interests: taking back sunday // hellogoodbye // the starting line // death cab for cutie // the anniversary // saves the day // keane // fall out boy // the academy is // matchbox romance // the matches // my chemical romance // gym class heros // the brunettes // midtown // laidout // the killers // the used // underoath // from first to last // green day // the early november // the blood brothers // thursday // scatter the ashes // from autumn to ashes // hidden in plain view // le tigre // madcap // the hurt process // blink 182 // allister // action action // copeland // daphne loves derby // boys night out // the get up kids // homegrown // letter kills //
Message: message me
Member Since:
5/8/2005
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| over the past year i have come to the conclusion that at this point in my life i am so alone. and i've never felt so alone in my life.
and when sitting alone and sulking in sadness i realize that in reality everyone is alone. all we really, truly have is ourselves. yes, we have family but even your own family can make you feel alone.
i have three best friends. they all have boyfriends. the three boyfriends are all best friends.
guess who gets left out?
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| the definition of the word confession is acknowledgment.
acknowledging the flaws in your personality takes a lot in a person. i have to give mad props to people who can openly admit their flaws, accept it, and change it. and i really don't know many people that can do that. and i'm sure you can't either.
i think the hardest thing for me to confess at this moment in my life is my problems with my love life. or lack there of. i have found myself meeting potentially great guys more frequently than other points in my life and for some reason i just haven't been successful with any of them. i don't know if the alcohol, setting, drugs, or technology gets in the way, but nothing seems to work. a couple of weeks again i was venturing through the streets of the city on my way to a show not even thinking of meeting a guy. and what do you know, my gals and i meet a group of really nice (not only looking) guys. we chatted for bit and happened to exchange numbers. i dont know if their intentions were for a one night stand or a long term relationship, thats not the point. the point is i meet a great guy ( or so i think) and we chat for days and days and then when he finally is coming back into town, we just lose communication. for whatever reason. i don't understand that. and then the other night, i found myself in the city again, meet a pretty cool guy (all sexual) and then nothing pursues. not even a one night stand.
so then what's my confession?
i'm afraid of getting close. i'm afraid of rejection. i'm afraid of sober intimacy. i'm afraid.
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| is this a game you play? do you just march into people lives and become a HUGE part of it and then just waltz right out? does everything have to be convenient for you, Mr. I Go With The Flow? Because its not fair to me, it's just not fair. You broke my heart, something you promised not to do. And you did it. In a flashy fashion so the blame fell upon my shoulders. And know you're back. You come running back in like time has never passed. You're rubbing salt on my once healed wounds. And now you expect me to be normal, like everything is okay. Well everything is not okay. You don't deserve me, or an ounce of my time. And if i wasn't such a sucker for you then you wouldn't get any of it.
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| I'm composing a masterpiece in my mind, a letter of my feelings and emotions to you. It'll be written in pen, or perhaps something more permanent so you can't even forget the smallest pronoun. It'll consist of my thoughts, feelings and questions, all of which you will be obliged to answer. Every word, phrase, and line will be strategically placed in a sequence that will only generate the perfect response. The response, of course, will be written in a similar fashion with everything that I want to hear. The master plan of a genius. So undeniable that both, together, will be forever remembered, reused, and extracted from. If only I could write out this letter and mail it to you. But then I would lose a part of me. Something I'm not ready to let go off, or perhaps I just don't have. But imagining this scene gives me a sense of power and hope. The kind of power you've casted on me since the day we met eyes. Something I'll never have over you.
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| i have something to say..
i just don't know how to say it.
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